Grief and Sleep

It’s common for people to experience a change in their sleeping pattern in the days, weeks and months following the loss of a loved one.  If you were a caregiver prior to the loss, then this sleeplessness can be intensified.  People who are grieving may have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep.  On the other end of the spectrum, grievers may find it difficult to stay awake.  Sleep patterns can even fluctuate between the two extremes: some days the sleep never comes, while other days, it’s hard to get up.   Find out more about grief and sleep in this week's Changing Lives podcast.

Transcript

It’s common for people to experience a change in their sleeping pattern in the days, weeks and months following the loss of a loved one.  If you were a caregiver prior to the loss, then this sleeplessness can be intensified.  People who are grieving may have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep.  On the other end of the spectrum, grievers may find it difficult to stay awake.  Sleep patterns can even fluctuate between the two extremes: some days the sleep never comes, while other days, it’s hard to get up.  

While grief is a universal experience, the way grief is processed is unique to each individual.  We know the grieving process takes time and looks different for each person.  However, the most common side effect of grief that most grievers agree on is problems with sleep.  People who have more grief symptoms are more likely to take longer to fall asleep, wake up for periods of time after falling asleep, and spend a significant portion of their time in bed awake.  People who are bereaved are also more likely to suffer from middle insomnia which is a difficulty falling back asleep after waking.   

Insomnia is a difficulty of falling and staying asleep. Oftentimes, insomnia is a result of stress and anxiety, however in grief, thoughts of loss can consume one’s mind, making it hard to relax at all.  The danger that comes to those who are grieving is when so much sleep is lost, one becomes sleep deprived.  Sleep deprivation only intensifies the symptoms of grieving, making day-to-day life more challenging to manage.

When you lose someone, you have to relearn your entire life.  You have to learn new ways of taking care of yourself, and sleeping is one of those things.  An interesting study conducted by Rice and Northwestern University found that people who had recently been widowed were two to three times more likely to experience inflammation due to sleep disturbances.  Elevated levels of inflammation may be tied to an increased risk of cardiovascular health issues.  These elevated levels of inflammation can cause even more sleep disturbances, creating a vicious cycle of insomnia.  Other side effects of too little sleep can include an increased risk of diabetes, heart conditions, obesity and anxiety.

So how can we help our bodies rest and heal while still allowing our grief to be present?  It’s about relearning how to sleep after loss. First start by connecting with supportive people.  This could be friends, trusted family members, even members of your hobby group.  Seek out support groups that are available for people who are experiencing grief and loss.  For example, at Hospice Quinte we offer supportive bereavement groups at specific times throughout the year.  Another way to help with sleep is to get your body moving, whatever that looks like.  Exercise doesn’t have to be extreme, expensive or daunting.  Getting out of your chair for a lap around the yard is a start.  Any way to get rid of excess energy is a great way to naturally induce sleep and body relaxation.  

In the hour or so before bed, develop a calming routing that will help you create a sense of serenity, rest and sleepiness.  Gradually turn the lights down around your space.  By turning off harsh light, we can signal the brain to produce the melatonin imperative for sleep.  Creating a bedtime ritual is an effective way to tell the brain it’s time to wind down and get ready to sleep.  Examples of things to include in your rituals might be reading a book, snuggling with a pet, taking a warm bath, journaling, listening to soothing music, meditating, or any self-care activity that helps you to relax.

Another way to help your body rest at night is to avoid naps too late in the day, avoid drinking alcohol and using too many sleep aids.  Relying on naps and alcohol are not recommended, as they could cause further sleep problems.  Alcohol may feel relaxing enough to get you to sleep, but your sleep cycle suffers as the body works to break down the alcohol.  Instead, you might want to work a cup of caffeine-free herbal tea into your before bed ritual.   Last but not least, keep realistic expectations.  When dealing with grief, it can take a bit of time for sleep to become normal again.  The important thing is that you make an effort of protect your sleep.  It will give you the strength you need to face the day.

Hospice Quinte provides individuals, their families, and caregivers with compassionate end of life care, by attending to their physical, psychosocial, and practical needs, and offering empathetic care to those who are grieving through visiting hospice services and support groups.  All Hospice Quinte programs and services are provided by compassionate, well-trained volunteers and staff at no charge to the individual or their family.  We serve a population of over 102,000 in Quinte West, Belleville, Deseronto, Tyendinaga Township and the Tyen-dinaga Mohawk Territory